Making friends can be a struggle for many people. I can definitely relate to that. I have always wondered how people make best friends who they always seem to hang out with. Even though I said i have had a trouble making friends, its not that I am so shy that I can’t talk to people or anything like that. In fact I am not poor at making casual friendships or acquaintances. What I mean by friends here is ‘close friends’.
I remember at school, I had people to talk with, or when I go to other classes I had someone I know waving at me or talking to me. However, I have felt like that they didn’t consider me as friends. It seems that each of them has got close friends who they usually hang out with. Then I realized that I didn’t have anyone like that. I have been wondering why its happening to just me. Needless to say, I haven’t gotten best friends.
Friendships take each person’s effort, you know. I still have met some friends who I thought were close to me, but I stopped hanging out with them after I noticed that it was always me who suggested that we could meet up. I am a trustful person, (or at least i believe so), and care for others. Sometimes too much. So I honestly get hurt too, when someone takes advantage from that, or when I realize that they don’t care our friendship as much as I do. As much as I give something to others, I end up feeling lonely. But then something occurred to me. (its not a long year ago.) – I had never spoken to people about my insecurities. What made me realize is ironically, my hard times where i started to suffer depression and anxiety. It took courage. I talked to one of my friends at university who I haven’t talked to for a while. (To be honest, I didn’t even connect with people except my family for a while. ) about what I am going through. I knew I was scared because I was like, hell who wants to deal with someone having hard times. However she was so supportive to me. I felt even closer to her. (still I am working on this though.) you never know until you try. I hope she feels the same. My friends who i met through the Internet are awesome as well. They are incredibly supportive even when I am feeling down. I really can’t put them into words. They always make me realize that its okay for me to rely on someone. I have felt really grateful for that. And, I hope I can do the same for them to when they need me. Speaking up to someone about your issues can be risky, (I have failed a lot too), but you’ll get the good true friends as a reward. 🙂