I woke up and saw the notification saying ‘Happy Anniversary with 1 year blogging!’ by wordpress. I just thought, ‘its been already 1 year. ‘.
I started to Periscope almost 1 year ago, (Precisely 1 year and a few months ago). I was in a pretty much dark moments in my life. – I was heartbroken, staying at home depressed, not being able to go out as I suffered from pretty bad anxiety. But there has been always one thing I liked. -Speaking to people from different countries.
Living in the countryside where no one outside of Japan knows the name of my city, it has been hard for me to meet foreign people, less alone I was stuck on my home, unable to travel. That was when I found Periscope. I just came on there to talk to people. I just wanted to distract myself from feeling alone. No one expected this to have a huge impact on my life at that moment. I still remember, when I showed the shrine for the first time, I felt something that made me think that I wanted to show the part of Japan more. – that is when I found my passion. When I could not explain about my country, I got frustrated. I started to learn about Japan, Japanese culture really hard so that I could answer to the questions that i got asked as much as I could. It had been pure joy when I realized even me, like myself could help people to know something, entertain someone in the other part of the world.
It didn’t take so long until my audience got large. I started to feel pressured as a person having a lot of followers watching me. (I currently have 15k followers). I chased something so entertaining to watch rather than enjoying myself. I unconsciously chased numbers (as hypocritical as it sounds). I even thought about the online business, but on the other hand I got stressed out. Soon after, I even started to feel alone even more, even though I have always had a great amount of people to talk to online. ‘What if the Internet shut down?’. I missed having people around me just hugging me in person. There was a day when the tears came out while I was talking to one of my friends offline. People could say, being popular will be a nice feeling, but at the end of the day you only want some people who really care about you.
My journey goes on. I decided to leave Periscope, it is not only because I got a kind of tired of being online, but also because of many reasons. I often got asked by viewers if I made money out of this activity. I did NOT. I have never been paid by any of companies. I did NOT get anything except for the donations from a few people that I love, but let me say it was not much compared to what I spent on Periscope so far. I was really passionate. I was so willing to share my culture with people, which has never changed. But the return out of it was too less. Even if I get a lot of people supporting me, I have to keep surviving. Fortunately I am lucky enough not to have to starve, have a house to live in every day at this moment. But now that I also got to the moment where I have to think about my future it made me question. It is certainly not easy to let my viewers go, but I cannot volunteer forever for the sake of people as harsh as it sounds. – I lost my goal. —– ‘Periscope doesn’t take me anywhere.’
It is time for a change. Periscope helped me a lot with my depression and anxiety, which encouraged me A LOT to go out and do something. As time went on I got better enough to travel alone to Italy by myself. Then, I started to think that I want to challenge myself. back then, I was so depressed i was in despair not being able to do something that I love. What I love, is still —– Speaking to people from different countries.
I am making a big change in my life. I am planning to leave my country for a while to see other part of the world, to figure out my future career more. I would like to see the world not via the Internet but through my eyes. I am sure the path I am trying to choose is not an easy way, there for sure will be difficulties that I have to go through. But I will do it anyway. —-Off topic, but there is a saying. 「案ずるより産むが易し」 (Anzuruyori Umuga Yasushi) which means, ‘making a move is easier than worrying’. ‘Umu’ means giving a birth. Originally this saying came from the woman worrying about giving a birth but actually when that time comes she finds it easier than she thought.
I wish you all the best, for whatever you do. Remember, you can do anything as long as you believe in yourself.
If you keep supporting me, I can see you on Instagram or Facebook where I post photos and a little bit of Japanese info almost every day. Check out the link below.